Reaching Out to the Faithful of the New Religion

Forget the elections, here's some important news.

From the Onion: Frito-Lay Angrily Introduces Line of Healthy Snacks.

PLANO, TX�With the recent trend of wholesome snack foods reaching "truly ridiculous proportions," Frito-Lay announced Monday that it would, against its better judgment, roll out a new line of healthy fruit-and-vegetable-based chips next February.

"Here," said Frito-Lay CEO Al Carey as he disgustedly tossed a bag of the company's new Flat Earth-brand snack crisps onto the lectern during a meeting with shareholders and members of the press. "Here's some s*** that's made from beets. I hope you're all happy now that you have your precious beet chips with the recommended daily serving of fruit, or vegetables, or whatever the hell a 'beet' is."

It has not been determined whether Mr. Carey is related to the former Archbishop of Canterbury.